Listen my children and you will hear
Of the afternoon ride of Renata my dear.
On the 11th of Feb in 2005
To the school dumpster she flew to take a dive
It seems that a retainer of not insignificant cost
had by her oldest child James been carelessly lost

Renata had viewed her options with despair
After all she had recently reupholstered a chair
The sum of her fortunes were now quite small
And a trip to Germany loomed for all.

To pay for a new retainer seemed out of the question
She had already seen the cost of one dental session.
She knew that her husband would be in a rage,
Indeed he had threatened to put their son in a cage.

For son James there existed only one option
The kid was going to be put up for adoption.
But suddenly from a day so forlorn
A bold and desperate plan was born

James was yanked from time out for interrogation
Where, she demanded, was the retainer’s last known location?
His classroom, the playground, perhaps his desk?
No dear reader, I’m afraid the answer was more grotesque

James, knew exactly where the retainer was lost.
In the garbage can at lunch the retainer had been tossed.
For Renata the conclusion was painfully clear
Deep in the school dumpster now lay James’ mouth gear

With grim determination Renata assembled her crew
and to the mini van rescue vehicle they flew.
To Crofton Woods Elementary the mini van dashed
And there was the dumpster with all the trash

A signal system from inside the dumpster had to be devised
Easily understood by children pint sized
Two forgers for victory meant the retainer was plucked
One finger meant son James was definitely …….

Into the dumpster our hero went crawling
As you can imagine, the smell was appalling.
The first bag was ripped and the goo dispersed.
And under her breath Renata quietly cursed.

Suddenly on the second bag a miracle occurred
Outside the dumpster a triumphant shout was heard.
For Renata, you see had found the retainer.
By good fortune it had been near the top of the container.

And so for Valentines Day I have created
a ballad for a woman so often berated.
Easily underestimated, often abused
The maid to all, so badly misused

I now know that below that lady like exterior
Lies a woman who most definitely is my superior
Some princes might look for true love at a Ball.
But I’ll take a woman who dances the Dumpster Crawl.